Power Rankings, Week Nine
Brought to you by Andrew, this week's guest author!
Following the All-Star break, everyone may need a refresher on where the league stands for the home stretch. It's been three weeks since the last Power Rankings, so I'm presenting a no BS guide and rankings heading into week 9 that include a shoutout to every team’s MVP thus far.
8th - No Hit Sherlock (1-7) - Down 1
The disappointing season continues for No Hit Sherlock, suffering an embarrassing 14-6 loss to the District Dolls despite an initial spark from new acquisition Hammer Bro. This team has acquired a much-needed superstar to build around next season, but it's almost too late. A loss OR win from the Sunshines next week will eliminate No Hit from playoff contention, thus securing the first overall pick. From week one, we heard whispers that this team was tanking for next season; embarrassing losses and an abysmal point differential have helped that narrative. No Hit Sherlock’s season has been so bad that one of their Co-Managers decided it was more worth their time to schedule external personal activities in place of attending No Hit Sherlock games. Ultimately, the future is bright for this team; however, we don’t power rank based on the future.
Team MVP: Green Dry Bones. The arrival of Hammer Bro surely will change the pecking order, but for now, Green Dry Bones has been starred nearly every game and has been No Hit’s most reliable offensive weapon. The pitching and fielding of this team may be the worst in the league, so Green Dry Bones’ consistency at bat is enough to crown him team MVP.
7th - Sunshines (2-6) - Up 1
I think everybody wishes they were watching soccer at an English pub instead of watching the Sunshines’ games. The Sunshines owner may have been. Unfortunately, for the rest of us, we not only had to sit through a boring 3-10 loss to BBL, but also Toadsworth managing to get an All-Star nod and being easily the worst performer in the entire series. The Sunshines are a team that I keep placing a little faith in, given their strong chemistry and decent talent, yet somehow they fail to live up to expectations. All that being said, they will likely make the playoffs and have an outside shot at making the semi-finals if they can match up well against Snail City this time around. I guess I think they can do it; I’ll keep rooting for these guys.
TEAM MVP: Red Toad. In a team full of potential, Red Toad has emerged from the pack of underperformers for the Sunshines. Baby Daisy’s struggles of late and the Piantas’ quiet season have left the door wide open (not to mention Mario’s awful season). Acquired in a trade early in the season, Red Toad is top-3 across the league in batting average and the most consistent hitter on SNS. He is a fan favorite across the league, but questions should arise when your best player is only a Toad.
I want to preface these next few teams by saying the jump in quality from 7 to 6 is LARGER than the jump from 6 to 3. You could argue for the reordering of any of these 3-6 teams.
6th - District Dolls (3-5) - Down 1
I think I speak for everyone when I say the Dolls don’t belong at #6, but it is pretty hard to bump them too far up given their history. Their many 1-point losses keep them close in run differential, but their only dominating win came against the league’s worst squad. History doesn’t remember how close the battle was, only who ended up winning, and oftentimes, the District Dolls’ solid performances get swept under the rug. Regardless, Wiggler is wiggling on that mound and into our hearts as the league’s best pitcher thus far, with solid relief pitching when the princesses decide to put their hair up. Unfortunately, the Dolls are in the West, given that they would surely make the playoffs over the two worst teams in the East. It is an uphill battle against the two top dogs to try and beat out BLA and BBL for the last playoff spot, but crazier things have happened, and the Dolls are bound to be on the right side of luck eventually.
TEAM MVP: Wiggler. The District Dolls are a well-rounded team, but Wiggler is the clear-cut MVP. With the best pitching numbers in the league, incredible pitching stamina, and a team-leading 1 homerun (yikes!), Wiggler carries the brunt of the load. Additionally, Wiggler is an exceptional base runner with one of the fastest forties in the league and, due to a top-5 batting average, would benefit from some batting help around him.
5th - Snail City (4-4) - Up 1
Snail City is an interesting team to gauge. They started 0-4, proceeded to win 4 straight, including 49 runs in a two-game span against SHR, before losing poorly to the Black Sheep. I get excited when they play. Or maybe that is only because their manager keeps making Birdo noises. Regardless, we’ve seen two different versions of Snail City this season, and I think they possess enough upside and firepower to string together strong innings and games; it is only a matter of being able to punch with the top teams. All their wins have come against teams below them on this list, and their losses have generally not been close in comparison. If any team feels like a dark horse to make the finals, it is Snail City, but in the same sentence (literally), I would not be shocked for them to go 0-2 in the first playoff series.
TEAM MVP: Red Pianta. They traded away another team's MVP (Red Toad) to SNL, but fortunately got one of their own from DD. A surprise on the mound, Red Pianta pitched the league's only full game and has solid numbers overall. Despite having only one HR, Red Pianta boasts a league-leading .769 batting average. Red Pianta, like Snail City itself, has seen a late-season surge—the perfect time to hit your stride.
4th - Black Sheep (3-5) - No Change
In the aftermath of the biggest trade in the league thus far, the Black Sheep faced ridicule and chatter about how they ‘lost the trade’. Despite this, it seems both the BLA manager SHR manager walked away happy. Perhaps the biggest doubter himself was silenced when the Black Sheep beat Snail City to get their first win in FIVE WEEKS. Petey had a sensational game and is emerging as a ‘diva’ in the locker room due to not wanting to share the spotlight. Regardless, the strong supporting cast of consistent hitters and elite relief pitching from Luigi keeps the Black Sheep in games where they don’t fall behind early. Nobody is forgetting how far the Black Sheep have fallen since week 2, but luckily for the Sheep, they are pretty close to the ground anyway. This team has a high-risk roster given their overall dependence on Petey for big-time plays, but sometimes all it takes is one big play to change your season.
TEAM MVP: Petey Piranha. The departure of Hammer Bro left a void in the team that Petey spent no time wasting to fill. Petey is a top 3 batter and a solid fielder as of late. The All-Star game was a wake-up call to the league that Petey was alive and well, hoping to carry his team into the playoffs. Honorable mention to Luigi for holding the fort down all season despite the team’s midseason slump.
3rd - Banana Blitzers (5-3) No Change
The Banana Blitzers don’t feel like a third-place team, but when you look at their game log, it's hard to say anyone should take 3rd from them. Despite a worse run differential (-5) than the three teams below them, BBL has victories over all of them. Their only losses are to the league’s top two teams. But boy, when they lose, they slip and fall hard. This team feels like they have the broadest spectrum of talent in the league and are fairly one-dimensional, relying entirely on the bat of DK and Funky Kong (although Light Blue Yoshi has been a pleasant surprise in the field). Much like their abbreviation, the Blitzers are a bad BBL. There may be some lumps and bumps, but at the end of the day, they got one heck of a dumpy.
TEAM MVP: Donkey Kong. DK is top five in pitching and batting. With Funky having a quiet season and most of the batting lineup below .400, he is the workhorse of this team, probably more so than any other player on another team. I actually think he has not received the recognition he deserves, especially on the mound, and hopefully, people can see past his uneventful All-Star performance.
2nd - Goopy Goons (7-1) No Change
I am PUBLICLY apologizing for my consistent doubt and slander of the Goopy Goons. They have proved people wrong every single week and continue to demonstrate they can win against tough opponents and in close games. There is some grit to them, like a tick that's burrowed its head into your backside and you need your friend to help get it out (true story?). This team has handled every opponent thrown at them aside from their one loss to No Hit Sherlock, which is looking more and more like just a fluke. A lack of dominating wins in recent weeks is a minor cause for concern, as it demonstrates a sign of vulnerability that a lower team may be able to exploit. I hate to say it, but the Goopy Goons are going to keep on gooning. Sorry lads, November can’t come fast enough.
MVP: Red Kritter. This team has no clear #1 option, and they are okay with that. They find success with a solid floor of talent, and players pick up the slack when others are having a rough game. That being said, Red Kritter has the most 2nd most putouts (not by a first baseman) with comparable batting stats to King K. Rool. The dominance in the field locks down other teams from racking up points, and the batting consistency and home run threat is real every time Red Kritter steps up to the plate.
1st - Penguins (7-1) No Change
Remember that scene in Infinity War when Iron Man cuts Thanos’s face and he only bleeds one drop? That's how I feel about Goopy Goons’ victory in week 8. One loss isn’t enough for the Penguins to lose this spot. It was a close game, and the Goons came out on top, but the Penguins are built from a different cloth. Their parts are strong, but the sum of their parts is even stronger. This is the strongest a team will be perhaps for the rest of league history, and a 75 run differential is enough to back that up. If the Fireball league were an actual league with risk of injury, the Penguins (already clinched bye) would have pulled their starters LAST week and sent them on vacation for a month because their next game of importance is still 3 weeks away.
TEAM MVP: Bowser. No surprise here. The captain and home run leader has had some incredible games across batting, fielding, and pitching this season. With a home run in all but one game, Bowser is the league favorite to win MVP. It’s actually pretty sad, PEN has multiple players who would be the MVP on any other team, but I guess that's a good problem to have.